What We Get WRONG When It Comes to Love Languages

It’s BS-Free Friday. Let’s talk about the 5 love languages. We want to understand our own and our partner’s.

They are:

  1. Words of Affirmation: When your partner gives compliments, verbal appreciation and encouragement, or hearing “I love you” or other statements often.
  2. Quality Time: When your partner spends time with you, listens to you, and that time together is a priority.
  3. Acts of Service: When your partner does things for you like makes you a cup of coffee in the morning, brings you lunch during a busy day of work, or has your favorite treat when you get home at night.
  4. Physical touch: When your partner kisses you, holds your hand, gives you hugs, and sex.
  5. Gifts: When your partner gives you “visual symbols of love.” This doesn’t mean you want expensive things; you like the thought process that goes into the gift and how it makes you feel when you receive it.

Where you fall down on the assignment is continuing to provide your OWN love language for your partner.

What do I mean by this? Let’s say you are Words of Affirmation, rand your partner is Acts of Service. STOP telling them how great they look or how much you adore them. Instead, show them you love them by doing an extra chore, offering to pick up the kids and making the bed in the morning. THAT is providing their love language.

If you don’t feel like your love language is being met, try recognizing your partners attempts to show you love by using their default language. This might look like, “I really appreciate that you offer me sweet compliments.” Then explain that what really rings your bell is if your partner would offer to help with the kids. It is useful to explain where your love language is rooted (i.e., how your parents model love) to provide your partner some context. This also keeps the feelings of criticism out of the conversation.

Not sure what your love language is? Why not make a date night of it? Sit down with your partner and take the quiz to figure it out and start connecting more deeply with your partner.

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