Intentionality in Your Relationship

All too often we get carried away with the mile-long list of things we need to do.

Having weekly check-ins with your partner can help you reflect on your relationship, share aspects that are working well, and address areas of conflict in a productive way.

These regular discussions can help you both feel heard, understood, and appreciated, while preventing issues from building up and giving you space and time to practice problem-solving together.

The goal of this conversation is to get on the same page and increase the feeling of being each other’s teammate.

This meeting has three vital sections:

1. Warm-up. Start the conversation with appreciation for each other and celebrations of what’s going well. This sets the tone for the rest of the conversation.

2. Understanding. Before you come up with solutions, you have to understand each point of view and agree on what problem you’re solving together. Take turns as Speaker and Listener. Resist the urge to persuade your partner of your viewpoint, as it is generally counterproductive.

3. Compromise. Now that you understand your partner’s perspective, you can manage the problem together. If you bring a perpetual problem to the meeting, try to find a temporary compromise, and agree to revisit it later.

Important note: Take breaks if you find that you and/or your partner are becoming flooded. A positive (win-win) outcome is much more likely if partners aren’t overwhelmed in the process.

Be gentle with each other and ease into it, especially if you don’t already practice regular check-ins.

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